My body is tired. Shaken and just done. My heart is a mere section of what it was years ago and I find Myself angry for giving any of Myself at all to anyone. I sit under this blackened sky as it cradles around Me. I feel as if I am a dead animal laying on the road while vultures lie in the shadows waiting for the silence to simply pounce and take what is not theirs to begin with. That dead soul simply being eaten as if it were alive. Yet, it has not been alive for quite sometime as it has been pecked at. Little by little by many different people.

Why not just have someone eat all of Me, instead of just taking parts that they need? Leaving an empty shell to break. Why can there not be a soft gentle wind to carry Me? Why does it have to be a breaking wind that shakes Me to the ground?

Even us Sadistic Bitchs hurt when words such as "hatred" are thrown. Even I am gentle and loving. Although most never get that far to see that side. Perhaps I don't show it because I am always knocked down to the ground far quicker then I would like.

But hey... I don't feel much. I am Sadistic and Dominant remember? We don't feel anything at all.

I have always hated the word ambivalent, yet the more I tend to center Myself here the more ambivalent I feel. I can no longer say "That particular time" when all those times tend to now run into each other. One being the same as the next. All things simply running into one another like melted crayons left on the sidewalk on a July day.

I think it becomes trouble when you no longer notice your wounds. When you simply tend to licking them clean far before you even know why they are there to start with. One caused right after another tends to just make life... there.

Do I just not give Myself anymore? For has it gotten to the point that I throw My arms in the air and walk away from all I know? How much work it is to not become so jaded that love is never in the realm. How do you learn to just let people in when the majority of people prick you with thorns right away?

With skinned knees and fucked up elbow I yet again get up and get back on. Although I am not really sure why. How exactly does one that has an open heart shut it off all the time? How does one just put up a wall so there can not be the slightest bit of hurt settle in?

Just another set of questions that I can never seem to answer.