As I was going through some computer files and disks I found some old writings. I was shocked when I looked through some of them. Most are after old heartbreaks. I will post a few.

These were written at 21-23


I rummage around for myself
Wondering what I have become
Searching for the answers
That seem to never come

Unzip my mind and allow myself to grieve
Grieve the past and full steam ahead to the future
He is not mine, he has never been mine to have
I peel back the unknowing surface

And find myself
Unbind myself
Remind myself
That I am worth it

you suddenly turns sour in my mouth
I shake my head in confusion as to what I did
Giving everything I had
To get nothing in return

Yet my hands quake and my throat swallows hard
At the thought of moving on
Ah---yes moving on
The only way I will be able to live

And I find myself
Unbind myself
Remind myself
I can make it

You threw me into the middle of the fire
Your life out of control, I stuck my head in the middle to be a distraction
My head rolled to the other side of the room
And blood landed on your 500 dollar suit.

I even had the knowledge to hand you a hankie to tidy it up
Just like me, feeling ghastly even at my own destruction
My body falling apart at my feet
you never interrupt to see if I am alive

Now I have found myself
I have unbound myself
And I remind myself
I AM WORTH IT!
-----------------------------------

Strike me--I do not feel
Kick me--My sense are down
Harm me--I have no heart
Manipulate me--You are paying attention at least
Lie to me--The only talk you know
Kiss me--The sweetest taste is the one of death
Fuck me--You made me feel that is all I am worth
Batter me--Maybe the blood vessels will give me sensation
Curse me--at least you will show emotion
Bellow at me--You will be talking
Snub me-------Wait, you are doing that already


Oh how things change. Funny how I know it was clearly after a heartbreak, yet I do not remember when, who or how!