I wanted to let My readers know that My blogger has moved.
My new blog can be found here

New Blogger

Thank Y/you to all who understand that life is a journey constantly changing!

I need a break.
My heart is aching and I just need a break

I will write... when I can.

I am the type of person that does not wait several days to get things done. If it has to be done then I do it all in one strike. My not sitting here changing My blogger name and email is just about to drive Me completely up the wall. Yet, it is so time consuming that I have not wanted to sit here and do it. Alas, I saw GA go nuts doing it yesterday. Yes, it was a short trip for Her but you get the point :)

I feel a bit lost lately. As if I am wandering around somewhere in the dark searching. What I am searching for I am unsure of. So, My blogger has not been a very exciting one. I am still amazed people come to visit at all! I am pretty boring.
The rut, although one that is not impossible to get out of still leaves Me feeling a bit empty.

Usually with the Waning Moon I don't usually feel this way. I seem to always feel refreshing and ready to conquer most anything.



I had one of those dreams last night that when you wake leave you feeling as if it trying happened. The kind where you wake up in a sweat and have to orientate yourself to the surroundings as you are not sure exactly where you are. It was always one of those that were quite vivid and even when you wake you still feel at that place, in that moment.

I was in a lovely little coffee shop that I seemed to know fairly well. Although I am not sure where exactly it is. It was streaming with beautiful light coming through the windows. The walls a very rich brown color, highlighted with rusty hues. I remember it having almost a middle eastern flare. Even the smell was rich.

I was sitting on a beautiful sofa, reading a book, sipping a cup of coffee and the shop was filled with beautiful boys coming to My every whim. GA was with Me and We were laughing and giggling as friends do. Having a wonderful time. All the sudden the coffee shop door swung open, it grew dark and everything was sucked out from underneath Me. As if someone had turned on a huge vaccum cleaner and everything was cleaned out. I woke up in a dead sweat.

So, as anyone could have guessed it has left My mood this morning as feeling a bit exhausted. I think that we all move so fast in life that we forget that they world will still keep spinning around us even if we stop, just for a moment or two to take sometime and really dive into someone else, something else that we don't normally know. Why do we do that? Why do we rush so quickly through everything and just not stop? Just stopping for a moment to view the world around us?

I think that is something we all need to work on.

Goddess Moon

Sighs

What do I say?

My mood is very out there this morning. For many different reasons I suppose. Just sort of down, tired and depressed. I suppose it is because of everything happening.

Yet, what I would not give to be cuddled this morning.

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My heart is breaking just a little bit this morning. More then a little bit but I don't confess too much.
A very good friend of Mine passed away early this morning and My heart feels a bit heavy.

For many years I worked in the Hospice, Nursing home and assisted living field. Taking care of those who could no longer take care of themselves. Over those years, one becomes close to many who have already lived this life and are simply waiting to enter their next. As I worked in high school at a local nursing home. Working toward My Medical Administration licence, I met a beautiful woman named Nadine. She was in the assisted living wing and once I received My degree and moved forward (An hour and a half away from home), her family put her in the facility that I was working in. All of her family lived in TX and for Me they were very much My extended family once I went to college. After returning home I would visit her three times a week. When I met her she was very well. Slightly forgetting things as in taking her medicine on time, where she left her car, turning off the stove. So an assisted living was the best thing for her. As time moved on, she lost her memories, her body but never her soul.

When I began working at the Nursing home at 15, I would bring her home for Sunday dinners and holidays that her family could not attend. She was, as she called it, My Guardian Grandmother. Mine had passed when I was young and She and My grandmother were friends. In fact they came over to America together.

I received a panicked phone call at 1:45am this morning. Nadine, who had had a stroke in the night took a turn for the worst.
In a quiet voice I heard her daughter Bee say "It's time"

I grabbed some clothes and in the car I went. Hoping that the two hour drive did not leave Me hoping I would have driven faster to make it to her passing.

Thankfully I was quick enough and walked into a dim lit room with this beautiful Woman of 83 laying there lifeless. Her daughter simply nodded to Me and I did what I was supposed to do. Nadine and I talked many an hour about this moment. She had been ready long ago. Her husband died 12 years before and once her mind started to go, she no longer wanted to be a soul on the earth. I tried many times to not talk about it but she wanted Me to be fully aware what she had told her children and what she expected out of Me once this time had come.

I did her hair the way she told Me too. I put her makeup on exactly the way she wore it.
Dressed her in her finest dress and sat beside her.
Her favorite song light sang in her ear over and over again until she finally let go. I kept My end of the promise and an hour later, She went to heaven.

I didn't cry. Not there anyway. I promised her that I would be strong for her children (whom are 30 years older then I). I was strong, I did what she wanted Me to do.

The drive took Me longer then I thought to get home. I am not sure how many times I pulled over to sob. Making it impossible to drive. I will miss her more then words could ever say.

So Nadine, you were dressed pretty, looked pretty, smelled pretty and sang to heaven. Make sure you prop a brick in for Me because I may have some trouble getting in!

Lyrics to your favorite song
You have loved lots of girls in the sweet long-ago
And each has meant heaven to you
You have vowed your affection to each one in turn
And have sworn to them all you'd be true
You have kissed 'neath the moon while the world seemed in tune,
Then you've left her to hunt a new game.
Does it ever occur to you later my boy, that she's prob'ly doing the same?

If you want to feel wretched and lonely and blue,
Just imagine the girl you love best
In the arms of some fellow who's stealing a kiss
From the lips that you once fondly pressed
But the world moves apace and the loves of today
Flit away with a smile and a tear,
So you can never tell who's kissing her now
Or just whom you'll be kissing next year.

I wonder who's kissing her now, I wonder who's teaching her how,
I wonder who's looking into her eyes, breathing sighs, telling lies.
I wonder who's buying the wine for lips that I used to call mine.
I wonder if she ever tells him of me, I wonder who's kissing her now.

Blessed be
Moon

Is it is possible for Me to hibernate through the winter? How nice it would be to do so, yet I don't want to have to do all the necessary things to get ready to sleep that long!

Last night was a night without sleep. Nothing in particular happened to make it impossible for Me to rest yet, sleep did not come. I am hoping that tonight My body will just give in and it will happen early. It is annoying to look at the clock and see that time has not moved. 1:30am, 2:45am, 3:15am, 4:37am and finally at 5:29am I gave up and got up. I took a bath, read, watched some info thingy on a ladder. Amazed at how much crap people will try to sell you. When are they going to have "The Domme Network"? Were Dommes Shop for Domme things all day long. Hmm... I may have to launch that idea. Now even I would watch that.

All Domme All the time!

Not much exciting going on here. Doing some cleaning up from the holidays that should have been done before they hit. Yet, alas I find Myself catching up on them now.

I am in the mood for some pampering. Some red wine, some sushi. A good movie perhaps?
Something lovely for just Me.
Any takers?

Is it really a brand, spankin' new year already?

I wonder where on earth the year has gone. It seems like just yesterday the last new year was upon Me and here yet again time has proven to keep on rolling by. I am yet, another year older, another year wiser and another year... older! I was not sure if I mentioned that or not.

I could sit here and be the one that sugar coats everything that is written here, yet that is not Me.

My Sadistic urges are getting the best of Me and I feel as if I am wandering around somewhere between sanity and insanity. Although, I am not sure that being in that place is a bad place to be. I tend to gravitate to that realm and the people that roam there as well. I am not one who believes in hiding yourself, your true nature from anyone but with the holidays and family creeping around every corner I have felt extremely stifled. Almost as if I am suffocating. Don't get Me wrong, it has been lovely having everyone home for Christmas and the New year but it has proven to be quite hard. All of My books are turned around, I don't have nearly as much time to focus My meditation, do any type of ritual or speak to the ones I need to. So it has made Me feel a bit off kilter. Yet, with all of My complaining they will be going home this weekend and then it will once again be too quiet in this home.

I have always been one that deals on a schedule. Although at times I am a "Fly by the seat of My pants" type girl, normally on a day to day I deal with things as they come. Making sure things run as smoothly as possible. I think I have to be that way because My day is so full that if I don't do that everything spills over.

I took a long hot bath this afternoon and that seemed to help a bit. Of course it was not nearing as long as I would have liked but none the less I did get a bit of time alone.

I have been talking over the last month or so about changing My blogger name to one that suits Me best for this moment. I still plan on doing that, yet I want to make perfectly clear that Isis agrees with what I am speaking of. To most, this is strange. I understand that fully well but to those that do understand, they know the dire need to move things along. It is not as if I will be struck by lightening, yet I want to be respectful and not wear out My welcome.

I have been wanting some of Maya Angelou's writings. Each and every time I want into Barnes and Noble (My favorite store BTW) I always gravitate to her section. Yet, like any other Mother out there We tend to not do those types of things for ourselves. Rather, We buy something that We "need" and not want. There is one poem written by Her that I throughly enjoy. It is based on Discrimination and although I am not the "normal" type of person that gets hit by it, I still understand it being that My views even in the D/s realm are so different from everyone else's. I won't post the whole poem but will give you a taste of its beauty.

Still I Rise
by: Maya Angelou
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

She is such a beautiful Woman.  These are some of the books that I am wanting
to read this year.
If anyone knows of a good discount bookstore, please pass the information
on through.
I have posted a few other books that I would like to look into. 
I probably should have asked for more books for Christmas
but then it raises a few flags in why I want the books that I do. 
My family is just plum Nosy.  The list goes from
top priority.

*Dictionary of the Gods and Goddess--Micheal Jordan*
*The book of Gods and Goddesses--Eric Chanline*
*The complete collected poems of Maya Angelou*
*2007 Witches Wall calender*
*The red haired girl from the bog--Patricia Monaghan*
*Dark Moon Rising--Raven Kaldera*


Anyway there are just a few.  I have a list somewhere
and will have to dig it out.
I hope Everyone has had a good New Years!

Blessed be,
Goddess Moon